I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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