I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
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