Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
you traded sex for a burrito?
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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