yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
