Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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