Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
