I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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