I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
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