So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
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Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
