So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
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