Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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