And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
