Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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