Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
