she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
