Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
