I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
