Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
