AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
