i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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