i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
