oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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