You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
