Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
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