she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
