She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
