Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Just cropdusted the office
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
