uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Randomize