then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
