Well douche your snatch and let's go!
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Randomize