I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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