are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
