Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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