...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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