Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
