i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize