i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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