i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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