I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
