I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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