I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize