Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Randomize
