I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Randomize
