Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Randomize