Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Small penises have feelings too.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
