This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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