you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
