All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
