OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
