If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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