Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Randomize
