Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
You dont lie about slip and slides
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
