I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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