he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
