I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
FUCK WHALES
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
