My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
