This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
i think my cat just said my name.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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