john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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