So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
