Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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