you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Randomize
