come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
