I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
