Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Randomize